Handsome vs Ordinary

People compare with one another for several reasons. Sometimes they do it to make themselves feel better, sometimes it is to make us want to improve. This process, termed as social comparison, is done when we make comparisons of ourselves to others in order to judge ourselves. We want to know what we are truly strong or weak at and the actual validity of our opinions and attitudes. This means that we need to set ourselves side by side with others to find out if we are really as strong or weak as we think we are pertaining to certain issues. Upward social comparison involves comparing ourselves with someone who is better to provide ideas for how to improve. Downward social comparison involves comparing ourselves to others whom we think are worse in order to feel good.

Social comparison is also done by people in romantic relationships. LeBeau and Buckingham (2008) stated that upward and downward comparisons among people who frequently compare their relationships with others cannot be avoided. They found that people who frequently compared received information that their relationship is both better and worse than others and this mixed information might lead to insecurity in their relationship.

In the Life! section of The Straits Times on the 7th of April 2008, a journalist, Suzanne Sng, discussed about dating attractive men. She called it the “Clooney conundrum”, named after actor George Clooney who in her opinion, is very attractive man. The confusion was described by her by her asking, “who doesn’t want to go out with the sexiest man alive” but also mentioned that there was a downside to it. She mostly did a comparison between dating physically attractive men and less physicaly attractive men and expressed that dating ordinary men were better than those of movie-star calibre and having low expectations meant not being disappointed. She wasn’t dating anyone but she did both upward and downward comparison based on her girl friends. Basically, the entire article was about dating physically attractive men versus ordinary men and the compatibility between partners.

Downward comparison wise, the only good thing about dating a physically attractive man to her is, well, he is basically more attractive than other men.

Interestingly, there was more upward comparison when comparing dating a physically attractive man to a ordinary man. She quoted one of her friend making a comparison between good-looking men and non good-looking men and said that there are a lot of unfunny good-looking men as compared to non good-looking men. To her, pairing up with someone like Brad Pitt must be very stressful as there is bound to be insecurities. According to LeBeau and Buckingham (2008), relationship social comparison tendencies were associated with low self-esteem,anxious attachment style,and relationship insecurity,which all tap some aspect of insecurity. Self-esteem can also be affected by social comparison (Alicke, 2000 as cited in Breckler, Olse, & Wiggins, 2006). If she didn’t compare herself with other women and a physically attractive man to a ordinary man, would such insecurities be present?

Furthermore, she said that a girlfriend of a movie star might be wondering when he is going to move on to someone else showing that besides comparing the men, there would be comparisons to other female

The most interesting thing she said was one of her friend, too smitten with her good-looking partner, crashed her car into a tree while examining his facial features. Something to which a friend said it was more important to date someone who was really interested in her as compared to a good-looking man who is in love with himself. It seems that too her, in this comparison, good-looking man would love himself more than he would love her.

Turning it around by comparing ordinary men to physically attractive men, it would become a downward comparison based on the disadvantages of dating a physically attractive man. Buunk, Oldersma, and Dreu (2001) said that downward comparison seems weaken the negative effect of discontent (which in this case, being less physically attractive) on the evaluation of the relationship, whereby realizing that it could be worse (like having a narcissistic good-looking partner) helps individuals to be less harsh on their relationship.

Can people stop comparing? I guess not. In my opinion, it is innate in us to want to compare with others. We compare protect ourselves from being too critical on ourselves, to prevent ourself from overestimating and falling down and to strive to get something better. But when it leads to confusion and insecurity, maybe we should stop a little while to find out what we sincerely want instead of how we match up to others.

References

Breckler, S. J., Olsen, J. M., & Wiggins, E. C. (2006). Social Psychology Alive. Belmont, CA: Thomson Wadsworth.

Buunk, B. P., Oldersma, F. L., & Dreu, C. K. W. d. (2001). Enhancing satisfaction through downward comparison: The role of relational discontent and individual differences in social comparison orientation. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 37, 452– 467

LeBeau, L. S., & Buckingham, J. T. (2008). Relationship social comparison tendencies, insecurity, and perceived relationshop quality. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 25(1), 71-86.